Sigur's Journal

all alone
So I thought of you today and I got the itch again
Feeling worthless not forgotten understanding lame
Is it okay to not always get blamed?
I just feel like quitting and I don't know what to say.

I'll just talk to you and make you feel alright
show you that there's so much more to it than this life
and even if you think you've lost the feeling you had
I'll try to be there supporting the good times gone bad

What happens to old things that you used to hold on to?
what happens when they get lost and don't surround you?
it used to mean so much to us to always share the day
and when the sun was gone we'd dance the night away

mentally not there
took a special vacation
let the words have control
and it took me here
nothing to help me along
no magic carpet ride
but a measure of positive
and a sprinkle of time
and here I am today.
we are the special people
think too far right
that makes us left?
everything in circles
spin, spin, spining on.
keep it going to insert pain
I've got a tumor on my brain
special vacation for the insane
coherancy down the drain

so long friend
ever clocked the time it takes to grow apart?
ever tried to make a long distance relationship start?
ever picked up the phone to call her, only to realize she's forgotten you?

ever said that you "would never" but did?
ever turned over a post card that's been read?
ever gathered all the pieces of a lie that's so dead, they don't even remember you told it?

always make time for your friends, man.

ever thought you tried your best?
ever felt the impact of a wave before the crest?
ever wanted to turn your life a full circle, and come back to where you can finally rest?

always make time for your friends, man.

it's art....man
everybody has left me except for the light
and even the light is fickle
I know that eventually the time warp will end
and fly into the oblivion has everybody.

I just hope that there is something more to it
something than just friend of a friend
I mean, what will we do without you?
what can we look forward to? a life more empty
minus the love and the comradery, just I.

You know this has happened before
and I found my way past the dead eyes
and the valleys deepend and the mountains got higher
but we're still here today, and do I know you?

I can wrap up every sentence I say
and end where I started over and over
because my life is just a circle
and allow for the nothingness I can.

tip toeing across the glass
Write like you speak
Speak but don't repeat
Can you make due?
with a piece of the tower,
five cobblestone streets,
and the book of life?

Where is your name written?
page one thousand fifty two
it says believe in me
and I will give you an eternal knife in your back

What a cruel existance
what a botched for instance
steep hills, jagged cliffs
and a whole fucking load of what ifs.

what ever happened to you_sigh_so_low?

he lost his mind and reclused to the coast
where he saw the future and discontinued to post
his thoughts and his memiors for all to see
this waiting so patiently
it's not fair to chastise the voice he brought
stainlessly he left us here, he's gone and he won't return
don't fret my darling one

elemental
day by day the life
life by life they say
take the hint im givin'

inch by inch the plot
plot by plot the story
i got a bad feelin'

somethings gotta be done
somewhere there is a song
reaching to the stars
without catching the gyst

eat my cancerous heart
and walk all over cobblestone
hearing the sounds
of a shattered tattered mess.

Is That Photosynthesis?
it's so not fair that you get to write
the depressing poems night after night
while i sit idle and soak it all in
my own sentences so hard to begin.
the words come to you like glass
every edge scraping my paper cuts
over and over and over again.
time gently drives in the stake
I'm watching you detiriorate.

in the movies we'd all just fall in love
they'd find the cure for this heart disease
shut the valves off, close the aorta
and then maybe our love could breathe!

Do as I say, not as I lay out for you.
I taught you to pray so you don't fall in with the wrong crowd.
Observe my actions but don't imitate them for you too will eat your words.
And don't forget that it may be cold outside but your blood isn't. frozen. yet.

back then
Back then I didn't really know the meanings
of the words zero and empty
I couldn't appreciate the music you made
and while i mocked you and spat on you
you secretly drew your blade.

I see that now the time has come
to put the past in perspective
take the things ive learned and
break them into thick glass spikes
that I will use to slice through your flesh.

I like to think that I'm better now
my time as human has been productive
but sometimes I feel like the thing
just imitating and growing
cells are splitting and im fitting in.

until the time is juuuust right.

texture and imagery
He would step into the stairwell
and you could hear each step
thick boots and clinking chains
all the way to the first level
it wasn't until he continued walking
you realized he had on a white lace train
it was gracefully sweeping the hardwood floor
attached by pins from his metal spike belt.
He grins mischievously at your discovery
while you ask him where he found it.
At the resale shop around the corner, down the street
so you paint your fingernails black
and chat it up until the sun finally sets
behind the graffitied brick wall.

before you got famous
I got to know you in time
before you got polluted
before you knew more than me.

I recognize that demon
the one that eats your heart
the one you deny to be.

We got so fucked up between here and there
and I'm destined to prove myself
I can't take this pressure, I'll quit
they'll never even notice I'm gone.

I wish we could have seen the future
there were those who could
they saw a selfish path of destruction
if they could have stopped us they fucking would

So they started something for themselves
gathering as many as would come
they told them this was the better choice
no right way but an existance that's not our fault

I just want to be a good person
and teach others how to be
it comes with my life experienec
not a fucking degree.

A mix of Stories
I'm finding it hard to love you
The fights just get longer
and the secrets are so deep
and they've already been told

You knew all there was to know
before I even had the chance
and now the attraction ended
just as it started with a glance

You're laughing at me when I'm
supposed to be telling my heart
tell the tale, tell tale
you told too much to start
too much for happiness
too much for joy
too much fucking love
enough for our lifetime anyway.

If I See You
If I see you soon
If I see you ever
If I never
see you again.

Just know that the thought of you
Repulses me tenderly
And directly in my sunken heart
Is a place for you and my hate

If I see you walking
If I see you choking
If I never
stop to help you out.

Just know that I secretly hoped
for that to happen to you
And somewhere in one of my brain cells
lies the hope of your demise as well.

If I go blind
and never see you
and forever
lose my sight
just know that its better
than the thought of perchance
mine eyes catching yours.

can you spell calculus?
if i could tell you what i thought
you'd take it back in an instance
if i could share my deepest me
you'd never understand it.

i wish that you and i could settle
there are so many things to learn
and when the time comes to say goodbye
we'd never be mistaken

that one and one and one is us
and five by one by six derivative
studying is for the faint at heart
and the atlantis in my mind is the sum.
the sum. the sum. the sum.

anti what, anti who, anti never bet you
anti one, anti two, anti derivative is you.
anti what, anti who, anti never see you
anti one, anti two, anti derivative is you.

Ode To Mark O'Brien
When I first met you, I thought you were fun
We smoked, we drank, and got nothing done
Now that we're students outside of high school
We smoke, we drink, and think we're cool

It was your birthday I'm sorry I flaked
We didn't know until it was too late
I hope you had a nice time, and drank plenty
look out, watch yourself, MARK IS TWENTY!!!

Hope this makes up for no call or card
Love you,
Shelly

lost poem found behind schoolwork
I'm really feeling like shit
I think I should see a doctor.
Just go in, and admit to my problems
and find out what I can do to get better.
Put me on drugs...
Join the utopia and don't think for yourself
forget that we're on a never-ending sprial
Is it really them? maybe it's me.
Maybe this is how it's supposed to be
for people like us, tortured with intellect
I just want to change my mindset
god, I really feel like shit.

written before I daydreamed about standing up and addressing my Organizational Management class of 150 people during a silent reading time and telling them all how we're killing the world and ourselves. i had to leave class and I did not return to school that day because i was scared of what i might do.

thankful for you
oftentimes i wonder what would have happened
had i not chosen you, and you I.
god where would time have travelled
because it has already gone by.
i have nothing but compassion for you
as we walk together in this equation
earth and life, man and wife

my brain is always thinking
and the clock is always ticking
faucets are always dripping
to the beat.

i feel weird when i write about love
and weirder when i sing about it
but nothing is better than to find out
nothing is better than to be told
nothing is better than to hold
the one you love

when we're old, lets kill ourselves
let's just end it all with a kiss
elevate our souls to eternal bliss
in the air we'll pound our fists

when the lights go down
my makeup burns my eyes
blink and hold tight
squeeze my eyelids hard
unlimited pervasive squat
jesus freaks run the streets
on a night like tonight

the setting sun has set...
on my eloquence
no need for fanciness
everything is all in jest
footsteps and dragging
coming up the hallway
the ghost of christmas past
and her little doggie too.

free phone chats, free sex
free obtrusiveness
knocking, who will it be?
juggernaut stay away
from my bedroom window
first color that comes to mind
leaning back in a mercedes
my makeup burns my eyes

When We're Sarcastic
If you told me I was different
I would have understood
talking to myself for fun
just seemed the right thing to do.
I've never been the type
to count my eggs before my basket
or vice versa, to and fro
brake a leg before the show.

So let bygones crash to the sea
everything we thought is unthought
all the trials and tribulations
belong in the bible anyway.
Take my hand brother,
and walk into our new world
where you and I are inseperable
and the past repairable.

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